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need help with a sentence

English translation: alternative provided below

GLOSSARY ENTRY (DERIVED FROM QUESTION BELOW)
English term or phrase:need help with a sentence
Selected answer:alternative provided below
Entered by: Martina Pokupec (X)

08:11 Sep 16, 2011
English language (monolingual) [PRO]
Art/Literary - Music / description of compositions
English term or phrase: need help with a sentence
Hi,

I would appreciate your help with the following sentence:
This sequence of compositions - études in colours is a valuable contribution to our Croatian piano literature. I hope these compositions provide all competitors and future young pianists with enjoyment of performance and facilitate the expression of their imagination, a trait that is surely present in the younger generations.

Can it be written in a better way? Is it understandable like this or does it sound horrible? Thanks!
Martina Pokupec (X)
Croatia
Local time: 14:09
alternative provided below
Explanation:
I hope all the competitors and future young pianists enjoy the performance of these competitions, and that this helps express their imaginations, a trait that is surely present in the younger generations.

Selected response from:

Liz Dexter (was Broomfield)
United Kingdom
Grading comment
Thank you!
4 KudoZ points were awarded for this answer



SUMMARY OF ALL EXPLANATIONS PROVIDED
4 +4alternative provided below
Liz Dexter (was Broomfield)
3 +4Another option
Jutta Scherer
4 +1my two cents' worth below
Jenni Lukac (X)


  

Answers


5 mins   confidence: Answerer confidence 4/5Answerer confidence 4/5 peer agreement (net): +4
alternative provided below


Explanation:
I hope all the competitors and future young pianists enjoy the performance of these competitions, and that this helps express their imaginations, a trait that is surely present in the younger generations.



Liz Dexter (was Broomfield)
United Kingdom
Native speaker of: English
PRO pts in category: 20
Grading comment
Thank you!

Peer comments on this answer (and responses from the answerer)
agree  Thayenga: or "...this helps to express their...." :) / Oh I know it's not necessary. :) Enjoy your weekend.
14 mins
  -> Thanks - the "to" isn't entirely necessary and I was trying to get a bit less wordy ...
agree  Andrei Vrabtchev
1 hr
  -> thank you!
agree  Charles Davis: May I suggest "...and young pianists of the future will enjoying performing these compositions"? Or "young future pianists". / OK, but even if it means that I still think "young future pianists" is more logical
1 hr
  -> Ah, but I read it as the competitors are the actual pianists and the audience is composed of young future pianists, who aren't yet playing ... maybe!
agree  Ashutosh Mitra
2 days 5 hrs
  -> Thank you!
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1 hr   confidence: Answerer confidence 4/5Answerer confidence 4/5 peer agreement (net): +1
my two cents' worth below


Explanation:
I sincerely hope that (this year's) competitors and future young pianists (will) enjoy performing these compositions and that playing them will will help build their capacity to put imagination—a trait that is shared by/evident in young people today—into their pianistic expression.

I hope they will play something by Dora Pejačević!

Jenni Lukac (X)
Local time: 14:09
Native speaker of: English
PRO pts in category: 32

Peer comments on this answer (and responses from the answerer)
agree  Charles Davis: Not sure about "put imagination into their expression" for "express their imagination", and I'm doubtful about "today" (it may mean that young people are by nature imaginative), but this reads well! As with Liz, I'd suggest "young pianists of the future".
12 mins
  -> Thanks for the thoughtful input, Charles. Have a good weekend.
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2 hrs   confidence: Answerer confidence 3/5Answerer confidence 3/5 peer agreement (net): +4
Another option


Explanation:
... with a slightly different reading:

I hope that these compositions will enable both this years' competitors and future young pianists to experience the joy of performing, and to express the imagination that the younger generation certainly has.

--------------------------------------------------
Note added at 3 hrs (2011-09-16 11:39:24 GMT)
--------------------------------------------------

It has to be "this year's, of course. :-(

Jutta Scherer
Germany
Local time: 14:09
Native speaker of: German

Peer comments on this answer (and responses from the answerer)
agree  Jim Tucker (X): yes -- imagination is not a trait -- (but "this year's")
27 mins
  -> Oops - well spotted! Thanks
agree  Sarah Jane Webb: with Jim :-)
40 mins
  -> Thanks, I agree :-)
agree  John Detre: except I think Charles is right, "young pianists of the future" would be better, and maybe "joy of performance" rather than "performing," since the young pianists of the future, who won't be performing, are also the subject of the sentence
3 hrs
  -> Thanks, John. The way I read it is that the piece will be played at a current event, and possibly by other pianists in the future. Difficult to say without more context, but this is one of the points where my understanding was different
agree  Tina Vonhof (X): Very nicely said.
4 hrs
  -> Thank you, Tina
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